3 Ways I Rebuilt My Relationship With Writing After Childhood Shame

Ever had your private journal turned into someone else’s drama episode? Same. I used to pour my whole little 11-year-old heart into my notebooks until my mom read them and acted like I committed a federal crime. After that, I shut my voice down for years. But guess what? I found my way back. Through moon rituals, morning pages, and a whole lot of “I’m gonna write anyway”. I rebuilt my relationship with writing and this time nobody is snatching my pen.

Childhood Shame When I was a kid, journaling was my safe space, my secret world where I could actually say what I felt without getting in trouble. Or so I thought. When I was 11 years old, my mom found something I’d written that wasn’t meant for anyone else’s eyes. A “death note” I’d titled Malika’s Death. I wasn’t suicidal. I had just gotten in trouble, and I was just angry, hurt, and trying to make sense of emotions I didn’t know how to talk about. Writing was my way of releasing what I couldn’t say out loud. But instead of anyone asking if I was okay, I got punished.

To make things worse, another time I wrote down lyrics to a song with curse words (obviously, I was expressing myself) and her boyfriend read it and told her. Cue: more trouble. More shame. After that, I stopped writing my real thoughts. I learned to keep everything locked inside. Because if honesty only got me punished, what was the point of being honest at all?

Finding My Way Back Through Rituals As an adult, I slowly found my way back to journaling through full moon and new moon rituals. I’d write my intentions, release my emotions, and it felt good. I was finally coming home to myself again. But then someone told me that wasn’t enough and that I should be journaling more, every day, for pages and pages. And just like that, the shame crept back in. So, I stopped again.

That’s when I realized something major: I don’t like shaming myself into change. I’m not built for the tough love approach because the world is already mean enough; I don’t need to add to it. And I definitely don’t need people I see as “helpful” doing it either. It keeps me stuck in an endless spiral of guilt and not-enoughness. So I started questioning it all. Who makes up these arbitrary rules about how often we should write? And why do I have to follow them? That might work for them, but it doesn’t work for me. And that’s okay. There’s no shame in not writing every day. Two times a month is still better than none. Start where you are and grow from there.

The Artist’s Way and Reclaiming My Voice Fast forward to when I discovered The Artist’s Way and those infamous Morning Pages. Three pages, every morning: no editing, no censoring, no shame. At first, it felt awkward. My inner critic was loud, reminding me of every time I’d been told my words were “too much.” But slowly, something shifted. I realized journaling wasn’t about perfection but it was about permission. Permission to feel. Permission to say what I really mean. Permission to not perform. Now, I journal regularly. Not because I “should,” but because it keeps me grounded. Some days I write pages. Other days it’s a sentence. And that’s enough.

If You’ve Ever Felt Afraid to Write Again… You’re not alone. So many of us, especially those of us who grew up being misunderstood, sensitive, or “too much” learned to silence ourselves to stay safe. But your voice is still there, waiting to be heard. Start small. One sentence. One page. One moon ritual at a time. Writing doesn’t have to be perfect or public. It just has to be yours. Your voice deserves space. Your truth deserves to be written. And you don’t need anyone’s permission to speak it.

Start Your Journey Today If you’ve been holding back your creative voice out of fear or past shame, it’s time to write again in your way, on your terms. I help ADHD Creatives learn how to channel their emotions into art, focus, and profit. If you’re ready to start your journey back to your creativity today one page, one thought, one truth at a time, start here.